This week’s reading dealt with finding one’s teaching voice, and the story Sarah Deel gave resonates with me and my teaching. I too am shy and generally nervous about my teaching quality. I wonder if I am getting through, and if not I must be failing them. I also modeled myself after my favorite professors, largely teaching from a power point and asking the class if they understood, and encouraging all questions. I have fun with this, but then the dreaded question of death comes out of left field, and it genuinely shocks you. A loss of words, a loss of respect? This was and still is my fear teaching. Am I qualified to be their teacher, sure I have read the material I know it. Hell I have written a paper or too on it. But the little things trip me up, the details how we got there is hard for me to explain. I know this, so I research the things I am not comfortable with and at times I struggle with the material although it usually comes to me on the second reading of a term. I struggle with imposter syndrome. I believe teaching is a big hindrance to me because of the type of person I am. I worry a lot!
I teach them what I know I correct myself when I make mistakes, and I always try to come prepared to my class, yet I always do feel behind. I believe I am a good teacher, but I also believe I get in my own way. I give them a lot of information every class, I teach until I can barely speak, I incorporate videos, I explain the terms the best I can. I am no expert, but I think I am finding my voice in the class. I know the students respect me, (I think)I joke with them but I also have a professional relationship with my students. It is hard to explain that despite all my perceived struggles in teaching, previous students told me they learned so much from my class. They have never thought about the impact of political economy, or why it matters and what it means. I think I have found my voice I just need to convince myself of that.