Finding One’s Place
I shall start by stating that I felt inspired by Sarah E. Deel’s narrative of her vulnerability in the classroom. My nerves have gotten better over time, but starting each class session still has its occasional challenges. Once I get rolling, I feel like it is impossible to stop…
I empathize with her because her passion is so deep, despite the lingering concerns of feeling unprepared and unaware of one’s teaching image. My empathy does not suggest that I share her same experiences; I love the classroom. I feel at home when I am teaching. Yet I share her revelations from the trial and errors of teaching: one must speak from the voice they know best – their own.
Authentic teaching, I believe, feels natural to me at this stage. I do not prescribe jokes; those opportunities arise and I do my best to seize them in order to garner a few laughs. I hesitate to be entirely “fair” with every student. My course is fair, my assignments are fair, and my grading is (hopefully) fair. My treatment of students is, however, equitable, not equal. They need and want different things. Many of my anxieties come from a fear of failing them in some way. Stifling my desire/ability to help and teach them with the limitation of equal treatment is not a sacrifice that I feel prepared to make.
I appreciate Deel’s comments mostly because she makes herself vulnerable. For me, this is at the core of authentic teaching. I use to believe that one should keep personal and professional stories outside of the classroom. I now know that there are amazing times and places for them. I see myself as an intellectual authority in the classroom, but I do not see myself as a social one. Admitting our faults, our fears, our failures, our interests, and so forth offer our students a unique opportunity to see the kinds of people teaching them. It encourages them to be more vulnerable about what they need. They often feel safer taking academic risks in the classroom. They are no longer afraid of seeking help or collaboration from the “perfect image” of what is actually a nervous human being at the front of the classrooms.
To reiterate, vulnerability and authenticity go hand in hand. Those beautiful teaching moments we may see in a movie or short story are no longer forced and planned with disappointing fireworks; they come to us, in the most inopportune moments, and strike at the hearts of both students and educators (I personally am seeing more of these weekly). Those random jokes now do a more wondrous job of easing the tension in the classroom because they are more organic, visible, and unforeseen. Most importantly, trust begins to form and sustain again – a feature that we as educators are so desperately trying to recapture again. Deel cares about her students and does not want to fail them. The best thing, in my eyes, for her to do is to let her true voice do the talking and show those students exactly those two things.