Thank you for your kind comments. I think these conversations are crucial to getting to that point. It can be uncomfortable for all parties involved, but the rewards far outweigh the discomfort of broaching the subject. For a lot of my friends (be they white, well-connected, wealthy, male or otherwise in a position of privilege), even asking the simplest questions is frightening, so there’s also a great fear of conflict for them. It’s rare for us to move beyond that point because the fear is difficult to negotiate: one can never know exactly which question is “the wrong one”, or which phrase will “get them into trouble” with me or someone like me. One of the best litmus tests for any of my friendships is observing how comfortable they when they enter into that tense space with me. Those who pass come out with a better understanding of how things are for people who are not like them. Those that do not usually come out having refused to listen or are red in the face from shouting me down and/or insisting that they are not bigots. Long story short: listening is good, shouting at people in order to get your point across is bad.